Leezer

I’ve been a little out of sorts lately. Either it’s the Saturn retrograde or it’s close to the end of the season for my two favorite shows, American Idol and Dancing with the Stars.  Now, I have a professional degree. I’m not opposed to using latin terms when I want to appear like a know-it-all.  But I hoard my childrens “Littlest Pet Shop” toys because they’re the closest thing to living in a pod I can come up with - I mean the little toys live in the pod, not me, but I can live there vicariously.  And I love mind-numbing tv shows made for imbeciles. Oh well.

So last night’s American Idol featured Neal Diamond songs.  This is really scratching at the bottom of the barrel.  I love Neal Diamond and all, but I just can’t watch him without thinking of Will Farrell’s impression of a Neal Diamond concert in which Will (as Neal) talks to the audience about picking up a drifter - a man - and having sex with him.  Some mental images will live on.

And I find it a little upsetting that my favorite, Michael Johns, was voted off before Neal Diamond night. I can imagine him crooning, “Cherry,” - She’s got the way to move me, Cherry! -  with his shirt open to his navel and all the girls in the audience taking off their panties and throwing them on the stage. 

Speaking of panties, I heard yesterday on the radio that Roger Clemens and his friends are big fans of some up-and-coming fifteen year-old country western singer. They attended one of her concerts in which Roger stood in the front row and threw her one of his jerseys.  The media is reporting that the two have become “friends” and the relationship is purely “platonic.”  Now let’s think about this a bit.  Roger Clemens has two or three sons.  I believe the oldest is a grown man, or at least he’s in college. His wife is a body builder who abuses steriods and other prescription drugs.   Not that her bad habits have anything to do with his unhealthy relationship with a minor, it just makes the story a little more salacious.  So apparently Roger’s adoration of the jail-bait singer has progressed to the point that he’s now getting more attention from this spectacle than he did for perjury (remember his testimony before congress that he never used steriods).  All I can say is “Ewwww.”  And to the girl, where are your parents?  I wonder if the girl (Mindy) knows if Roger had to take little round bandaids wherever he went so the injection site on his buttocks wouldn’t stain his designer slacks.  Maybe she put his bandaids on for him.

That’s all for now. I wish I had something a little more interesting to share with all of you, but I’m a working mother of two small children whose back always hurts and one of the children is home with a cold.